This is what I call talent!!

When you watch this it is hard to think that it is not a doll!

This will drive you crazy!!

click here!www.quizyourprofile.com/guessyournumber.swf

The President's Speech

Have you seen the film "The Kings speech". A fantastic film. Now a new film is coming up called "The presidents speech" Here is a trailer:

TA EN SIMULERINGSSEMESTER!

Tycker att du haft för lite semester? Längtar du i dessa tider till nästa semester? Här kommer några tips hur du kan förvandla ditt eget hem till ett strålande semesterparadis!

Flygsemester

Packa 20 kg sten i den otympligaste resväska du kan hitta och bär sedan runt på den i 2 timmar inne i lägenheten. Sätt dig i en barnstol, bind fast armarna från armbågarna i armstöden och be en du känner tackla dig medan du försöker äta lunch ur en lite papplåda med plastbestick. Be personen supa sig full och sedan somna medan han lutar sig över dig.

Utlandssemester


Köp ett 10-klippkort på närmsta solarium och använd alla 10 på raken. Gå hem och vrid upp alla element på max och blanda sedan en kvarting med ricinolja och angostura och häll upp i höga glas med isbitar och ett paraply. Gör sköna discomoves och låtsas att toaletten är en bar i Marbella. Nästa morgon, gå ut barfota och trampa i glas och sitt sedan inne resten av veckan med foten i vädret.




Alpsemester

Klä på dig långkalsonger, överdragsbyxor, rånarluva och hjälm. Ta sedan på dig pjäxor och skidor och gå omkring hemma med allt på. Försök sedan att tränga dig in i garderoben, vända där inne och gå ut igen. Bränn tungan på en mugg med för varm choklad och häll ut resten över byxorna. Häll en hink isbitar i trappan och försök att bära skidorna och stavarna på axeln till nedre våningen. Väl nere sätter du dig i huksittande mot väggen och dricker sprit på fastande mage. På sjukhuset skriver du vykort till nära och kära om hur underbart och stärkande det är i fjällen..

Golfsemester

Ta på dig din finaste lammullströja, fyll en skottkärran med paraplyer och ge dig ut på en långpromenad i området. När du hittar träd och buskar så kryp dig in bland dem och svinga vilt med några paraplyer. Riv sönder en hundring varje gång du svingar.

Invänta regnet och gå sedan minst en timme till. Bege dig sedan till närmsta pizzeria med utskänkningstillstånd och sup dig full medan du berättar om din runda för någon som inte vågar säga åt dig att hålla käften.

Fiskesemester

Sätt klockan på tre och snubbla ut till närmaste vattenpöl. På vägen sticker du händerna på någon taggig buske som du passerar. Rulla dig i pölen och avsluta med att hälla en burk sillspad över huvudet. Återvänd hem blöt, stinkande, sårig, trött och hungrig och ljug ihop något om baddaren som precis slet sig och hur vackert det är att vara ute tidigt på morgonen.



Stugsemester

Stanna hemma, stäng av elen och varmvattnet. Ät rå korv och konserver direkt ur burk. Blanda klipulver och myggolja och smörj in dig med blandningen medan du sitter på toaletten och läser en Hemmets Journal från 1971 om och om igen.



Simuleringssemester ger precis samma resultat som vilken traditionell semester som helst!

Do you want to know what we old folks really do?

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE PARTY AT THE MAIN CLUBHOUSE
LAST NIGHT






Last night we went to a party at our Club House. The second Tuesday of every month they have an evening potluck supper. We usually eat, play bingo, reminisce, and drink a little wine and talk about the good ole days...

We heard Selma Martin's grandson is staying with her for a few weeks. It's rumored he got in a scrap over some marijuana with the law out in Arizona and he came to San Clemente to avoid the heat. Anyway, Selma is known for her delicious Brownies and she always bakes up a quadruple batch for each get-together. She makes enough for everyone and some for folks to take one home for later. For some reason they were extra good this week and every last one of them was eaten. Not a one left over. We later found out that Selma 's grandson, Butch, laced the brownies with some of his marijuana.

Knowing this, I guess it offers a logical reason for everyone feeling good that night By the time Zeke put on the bunny hop record, everyone was in a real good mood and it was the first time the whole place got up and danced ..............

That is until the cops came to check all the noise complaints.

Well, that's another story. ....................
)
; (scroll down).....
(

NUNS ON THE RUN....

5 NUNS IN A BAR


Sisters Mary Catherine, Maria Theresa, Katherine Marie, Rose Frances, & Mary Kathleen left the Convent on a trip to St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York City and were sight-seeing on a Tuesday in July. It was hot and humid in town and their traditional garb was making them so uncomfortable, they decided to stop in at Paddy McGuire's Pub for a cold soft drink.


Paddy had recently added special legs to his bar stools, which were the talk of the fashionable eastside neighborhood. All 5 Nuns sat up at the bar and were enjoying their Cokes when Monsignor Riley and Father McGinty entered the bar through the front door.


They too came for a cold drink when they were shocked at what they saw


(SCROLL DOWN)

Björn Skifs möter Jesus

Nu behöver vi lite skoj!!

Men are like this! Rules for women!

I got many mails about my input:" Girls are not like this?" So her comes

The Man Rules*******************
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

The guys' side of the story.

(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear"the rules "
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.

Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.


1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.


1. Crying is blackmail.


1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!


1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.


1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.



1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.



1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.


1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one


1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.


1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..


1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.


1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.


1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.


1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.


1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.


1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.


1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.


1. You have enough clothes.


1. You have too many shoes.


1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!


1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, if you are a man you will have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.


Pass this t o as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.


Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh!!!

Titta vad som händer om vi inte slutar hugga ner träd!!

Vi måste sluta hugga ner träd!


Situationen börjar bli allvarlig....

Seamus and Bessie

An Irish farmer named Seamus had an accident with a lorry and was sueing the lorry company. In court their hot-shot solicitor was questioning Seamus..

Solicitor
'Now didn't you say to the Police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?'

Seamus

'Well , I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite cow Bessie into the...'

Solicitor

'I didn't ask for any details , just answer the question. Did you not tell the police officer at the scene of the accident, "I'm fine !" ?'

Seamus

'Well, I had just got Bessie into the sidecar and I was driving down the road.....'


The solicitor interrupted again and said,

'Your Honor , I am trying to establish the fact that , at the scene of the accident this man told the police that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Seamus's answer and said to the solicitor:

'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow Bessie'.

Seamus thanked the Judge and proceeded.

'Well as I was saying , I had just loaded Bessie , my favorite cow , into the sidecar and was driving her down the road when this huge lorry and trailer came through a stop sign and hit me right in the side.



I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurt very bad like and didn't want to move. However , I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her and saw her condition , he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.



Then the policeman came charging across the road , gun still in hand , looked me up and down , and said
'How badly are you hurt?'

'Now what the F**k would you have said????´

Tänk att det skall vara så kul att se en kille tvätta fönster...!

Flickorna hos frissan tyckte det i alla fall, klicka nedan och se själv!

The Hotel Bill

An elderly lady decided to give herself a big treat for her significant 70th birthday by staying overnight in one of London's most expensive hotels.

When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for £250.00.

She exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high. "It's a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren't worth £250.00 for just an overnight stop without even breakfast."

The clerk told her that £250.00 is the 'standard rate', so she insisted on speaking to the Manager.


The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "The hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre which are available for use."

'But I didn't use them," she said.

''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.


He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers fromEdinburgh, Glasgow, and Aberdeen performing here," the Manager said.

"But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said.

"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response.

After several minutes discussion with the Manager unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a cheque and gave it to him.


The Manager was surprised when he looked at the cheque. "But madam, this cheque is for only £50.00."

"That's correct. I charged you £200.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.

"But I didn't!" exclaims the very surprised Manager.

"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."

Don't mess with Senior Citizens

Tänk att lufttorkad skinka kan vara så rolig!

Former Swiss finance minister Hans-Rudolf Merz burst into a giggle fit when he read a parliamentary speech on the subject of spiced meat imports.

Den är videon är lika rolig varje gång!! Att se en seriös finansminister helt tappa fattningen ger oss hopp för framtiden. Att skratta är underbart!!

JAG HAR TAPPAT BORT...!

Jag har tappat bort mina trosor. Det är högst pinsamt, men inte omöjligt när det gäller mig är jag rädd. Dessutom var de mina favorittrosor, svarta med rosa hjärtan på.

Först tänkte jag på gymmet men där hade de inte hittat några svarta trosor med rosa hjärtan.. Till råga på allt blev det mycket fnittrande i receptionen. Larvigt tycker jag!




Återstod alltså det mest troliga: hos gynekologen. Tog mod till mig och slog numret till Doktor Anderssons mottagning. Den osympatiska syster Birgitta svarade med sin vanliga sura röst ”Doktor Anderssons mottagning”.

Har aldrig förstått varför hon måste se ut som en citron i ansiktet och alltid ge order som en sergant. ”KLÄ AV ER I HYTTEN! SITT KVAR OCH VÄNTA TILLS JAG ROPAR UPP ER!”

Måste man låta på det sättet? Kanske hon har ett olyckligt kärleksliv och ständigt blir påmind om det med alla halvnakna kvinnor omkring sig? Nåja, nu gällde det ju mina trosor.


Jag kunde tänka mig vilket avsnoppande svar jag skulle få. ”Hmm, jag har möjligen inte glömt mina trosor i omklädningshytten igår?” nästan viskade jag. ”HUR SA? TROSOR? NI FÅR FÖRKLARA LITE NÄRMARE.” Syster Birgitta var i högform hörde jag. ”Ett par svarta trosor med rosa hjärtan” försökte jag klämma fram igen.


”VERKLIGEN INTE! HÄR HAR VI ANNAT FÖR OSS ÄN ATT TÄNKA PÅ ERA TROSOR”. ”Nähä” kaxade jag upp mig. Då måste jag ha glömt dem hos TANDLÄKAREN!”

Sista semlorna för året?

Visst kan man äta semla som "La Mona"?? Det tänker jag göra!
De här är garanterat kalorifria.
Liten och söt (?) semla från Bombadill som får det att ... luddas i munnen. Mäter cirka 7 cm i diameter.

Den är tillverkad av velour med 100% polyesterfyllning. Samtliga produkter är CE märkta och tvättbara i 30° handtvätt. Ja, för tvätta sina semlor vill man ju!
Det finns massor av roligt från Bombadill! Kolla länken!

Express face!

Måste man vänta till år 3000 för att få
det så här lätt?? En stämpeldyna för hela ansiktet. Annars har Ulrica från Linköping
lovat att komma och sminka mig.
Om den här länken inte fungerar att klicka på så klistra in den i din läsare:
D:\Mis documentos\Mis imágenes\Blogartiklar för Mainas blogg\sminkning.gif

Att dricka vin!!

Alcohol does not make you FAT
-it makes you LEAN
..against tables, chairs, floors. walls and ugly people!