söndag 27 februari 2011
2. Law of Gravity -
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped,
Will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probability -
The probability of being watched is directly proportional
To the stupidity of your act
4. Law of Random Numbers -
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal
And someone always answers.
5. Law of the Alibi -
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire,
The very next morning you will have a flat tire.
6. Variation Law -
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always
Move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically
When you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work,
It will. And 9 B. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease,
Your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
10. Law of Bio mechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11. Law of the Theater and Arena -
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle,
Always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats
Several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave
Early before the end of the performance or the game is over.
The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have
Long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will
Ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room,
They will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down
On a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the
Carpet or rug.
15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor,
By the time you get there you'll feel better.
But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.
PS. There is no Law nr 1. I am happy you read this far and thought about this!!! That means my blog is interesting!
onsdag 23 februari 2011
THE FEMALE DEMERIT (klandervärt beteende;fel;brist;svaghet,- för oss som inte förstår ordet "demerit") SYSTEM
In the world of romance, one single rule applies:
Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)
But return with beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-20)
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend (-2)
Named Tina (-10)
Tina is a dancer (-20)
Tina is gorgeous (-80)
You take her out to dinner (+2)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)
A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes (+3)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)
THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what)
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000)
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a
rough draft before the masterpiece
rough draft before the masterpiece
tisdag 22 februari 2011
Idag gick på vår vackra strand i Torredmebarra. Solen sken och det var 22 grader varmt. Bort över havet mot Barcelona tornade mörka moln upp och plötsligt framträdde den mest häpnadsväckande regnbåge. I alla de rätta färgerna. En stilla glädje infann sig och jag började nynna på "Over the rainbow". Lyssna här och känn glädjen och den vackra tanken att allt kommer att ordna sig!!